NEW!
(05/27/03)
BACK IN THE KITCHEN AGAIN
“Johnny, what are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m cooking!”
“Oh. That’s what you call it? You look like a mad scientist with a diabolical
experiment in the works.”
“Ha. Ha. Very funny. You’ll like what I’m fixing. I guarantee it.”
“Just what are you fixing?”
“I . . . I can’t pronounce the name. It’s there in that book. Remember that lady
we rescued several times awhile back—the one who was cooking for the boyfriend
and his mother?”
“Yeah, I remember her. Very well.”
“Well, that stuffed leg of lamb thing she was making sounded really good. So I
decided to find a recipe just like it.”
“Uh, Johnny? Remember how much trouble she had trying to cook it.”
“Roy, she got her hair stuck in the grinder. I hardly think I have to worry
about that. And I’m not going to get my fingers stuck in the mixer either.”
“I guess I should have the extinguisher handy. You know . . . for the stove
fire.”
“That’s not funny. I’m telling you I can handle this.”
“I’m not so sure, Johnny.”
“You’re not that much better a cook, you know. What about that Eggs Lupin you
made?”
“True. But the Beef Bourguignonne I made was good, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, yeah it was.”
“I still say this is over your head.”
“Well, if you’re not gonna help . . .”
“HELP? I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“Then leave me be so I can finish this.”
“Whatever you say, Junior. Holler if you need me.”
* * *
“Damn it. Uh, Roy! ROY! COME QUICK! AND BRING THE EXTINGUISHER!”
* * *
“Okay. Okay. The fire’s out. What happened, Johnny?”
“Oh, man! I don’t know. One minute everything was going along fine, and I turned
around to do this, and WHOOSH . . .”
“I think that’s the engine coming back. What are we gonna eat now?”
Totally dejected, Johnny answered, “I guess it’ll be burgers from Smiley Land
around the corner. My treat.”
“Tell you what—I’ll chip in too.”
Johnny’s glum expression lightened a bit. “Thanks, Pally! Hey, hey—I just
thought of something!”
“What’s that?”
“We still have dessert to look forward to.”
“Uh oh. What’s for dessert?” Roy questioned warily.
“Something even I can’t screw up.”
“What’s that?”
“Ice cream.”
* * * The End * * *
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A Minor Amusement
“No.”
“Ah, c’mon.”
“No, I’m not getting on that thing.”
“But, it’ll be fun.”
“It will not. You know I don’t like stuff like that.”
“Sure you do. Think of the excitement. The speed!”
“Johnny, I assure you that I don’t want to ride the Mega Super Duper Looper!
Besides, how can you take it? You get seasick at the drop of a hat.”
“Well, this isn’t a boat on water. I’ll be fine.”
“No.”
“Look, the line isn’t even that long. We’ll be on in no time.”
“What is it about ‘no’ that you don’t understand?”
“You’re afraid!”
“I am NOT afraid. I just have an aversion to roller coasters. Especially ones
that loop upside down fifty million times.”
“Roy, I can’t believe you! We’re big, brave firemen. You can’t be scared of an
itty, bitty roller coaster.”
“For the last time, I’m NOT scared. I’m just not INSANE like you and those
others in line.”
“Think of Chris. You don’t want him to know his father’s a chicken, do you? What
are you gonna tell him when he’s old enough to want you to take him on?”
“You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?”
“No.”
“All right. Fine. Let’s go.”
* * *
“Wow! That was fun! I can’t believe it. I think we should go again. C’mon, let’s
go again, Johnny. Johnny? Uh oh. Okay, just keep your head over that trash can.
Try to take deep breaths. That’s it. Take it easy. Are you done?”
“Ahhhh, man . . . Why’d I let you talk me into going on that ride?”
** The End **
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Trouble
“So what is it?”
“It’s a . . . it’s a . . . I don’t know. I don’t have a name for it yet.”
“What does it do?”
“Well, you see, you move this little thing here and then this thing over here
inflates and . . .
and . . . Here, it’s easier if I show you.”
“WHY IS IT SCREECHING LIKE THAT?”
“I DON’T KNOW. LEMME FIX IT.”
“HURRY UP.”
“THERE.”
“So now what?”
“Just watch.”
“Uh . . . Johnny? Is it supposed to be smoking like that?”
“N-n-no.”
“I think you better shut it off.”
“Uh . . . yeah. Uh oh. It won’t . . . I can’t . . . OH, NO!”
“Johnny, watch out for those flames. I’ll get the extinguisher.”
* * *
“Man, that was close.”
“I’m just glad I’m not you.”
“Why’s that, partner?”
“Because I don’t have to explain to Captain Stanley why there’s a big black hole
burned into the kitchen table.”
“Oh, man . . .”
*** The End ***
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
MORE TROUBLE
“I can’t wait to get back to the station and eat lunch. I’m starved.”
“Yeah, me too. I hope it’s something good like Sloppy Joe’s . . .”
“Hey! Roy, did . . . did you see that woman? She . . . she was TOPLESS. Roy?
Roy! WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!”
“Uh . . . sorry.”
“Man, I can’t believe you.”
“What?”
“You! You were looking at that woman!”
“Well, maybe . . .”
“Maybe? You . . . you almost ran the squad into a tree!”
“So . . . I peeked. What’s wrong with that?”
“What . . . what’s wrong with that? You’re . . . you’re married. With kids!”
“Yeah, but I’m not dead.”
“But . . .”
“It wasn’t like they were . . . uh . . . I mean . . . she was hard to miss.
Standing on the corner topless like that.”
“Still --- I can’t believe you.”
“Now, Johnny . . .”
“I mean, c’mon. I wonder what Joanne would think. Boy, I can just hear her now.
Better yet, what would Dixie think? Maybe I should ask her the next time we’re
at Rampart. Roy? Roy! WATCH OUT FOR THAT POLE!”
*** The End ***
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
THE WORST TROUBLE YET
“Good morning.”
“Hey, good morning, Pally!”
“You’re here early.”
“Yep. I sure am. Ain’t it great?”
“What are you so happy about?”
“I had a date last night with Zoe. You remember Zoe, right?”
“Uh . . . no.”
“Well, whatever. The point is she read my cards last night.”
“She what?”
“Read my cards. You know, Tarot cards.”
“You can’t possibly believe in that stuff.”
“No . . . no. Not until last night anyway. Last night she looked at the cards
and told me I have a very dangerous job.”
“Johnny, she knows you’re a firefighter/paramedic, right? Of course she’s gonna
say that.”
“I know. I know. But, get this. She said that I’m ‘plagued by phantoms of the
night’. Then she said a whole bunch of other stuff. And then . . . then she said
a ‘green waterfall would set me free’—or something like that.”
“So what does that have to do with you being happy?”
“Well, I came in early this morning and set a trap for the Phantom. A green
waterfall.”
“A green waterfall? How’d you manage that?”
“Kool-Aid.”
“Kool . . . Johnny, are you sure about this?”
“Roy, I’ve got him this time. It’s foolpr . . .”
*CRASH*
“GAGE!”
Captain Stanley stood in the doorway completely soaked in sticky green Kool-Aid.
“MY OFFICE.”
“So, I bet you’re not going to see this Zoe again, huh?” Roy couldn’t bite back
a snicker.
“Of course I am! I need to find out if Cap will ever let me out of latrine
duty.”
*** The End ***
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Blowing Bubbles
“Hey, Gage, gimme a piece of that bubble gum. I love grape.”
“Why should I?”
“ ‘Cause . . . I’m a fellow firefighter and an all around good guy. Besides, it’s polite to share.”
“An all around good guy? Keep dreamin’, Chet.”
“Ah, c’mon, Gage. Share already. It’s not like you don’t have enough, and the kids’ tour is over.”
“Oh, okay. Fine! Here you go.”
“Just one piece? Boy, you sure are stingy.”
“Stingy! I am not! Roy, tell Chet I’m not stingy.”
“Then give me another piece of gum.”
“Chet, you’re a pain. Here, take another piece.”
“I bet I can blow a bigger one than you.”
“What?”
“A bubble, Johnny. I bet I can blow a bigger one than you.”
“Oh, no way! I can beat you any day.”
“So prove it. I’ll bet you a dollar.”
“You’re on. Roy can be the judge.”
Several seconds of silence ensued.
POP!
POP!
“Well, Roy? Who won? Who had the biggest bubble? It was me, wasn’t it? Chet owes me a dollar, doesn’t he?”
“Uh, beats me, Johnny. I wasn’t paying attention. But, Chet, you might wanna clean that mess out of your mustache before Cap calls us for roll call.”
***The End***
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Comfort Food
"Roy?"
"Yeah?"
"What’s your favorite ice cream?"
"Ice cream? How can you think about that at a time like this?"
"I don’t know. Takes my mind off the pain, I guess."
Roy instantly felt guilty for his somewhat snappish comment.
"How are you doing?"
" ‘m okay. Head hurts and my side. But, it’s the heat that’s really gettin’ to
me. You?"
"I’m fine. Wish I could help you more though. It’s just too dark to see or do
anything."
"That’s alright. I’m not that bad." The hitch in his voice belied his bravado.
"Vanilla."
"Huh?"
"Ice cream. My favorite is vanilla."
"Oh. Vanilla! How can you possibly like vanilla? It’s . . . so . . . so plain .
. . and . . ."
"Boring."
"Well . . . yeah. You should like something more exciting, like mint chocolate
chip or chocolate marshmallow. Or, better yet, strawberry. Now there’s an ice
cream for you! Strawberry. That’s my favorite."
"Ah, but think of all the great things you can do with vanilla."
Silence reigned for a moment.
"Roy?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think they’ll be here soon?"
"I don’t know. Depends on how much debris they have to clear."
"I hope it’s soon ‘cause I’m startin’ to not feel so good." A slight groan
followed his words.
Roy reached out in the darkness to lay a hand on his partner’s shoulder.
"I’m sure they’re getting close."
"Hey, do you think . . . do you think, when I get to Rampart, maybe . . . maybe
someone will scrounge up a bowl of strawberry ice cream for me?"
"You can count on it, Junior. You can count on it."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Disgruntled
"So, do I have to stay?"
"Of course, you're staying."
"But, why?"
"Now, Gage, do I really have to answer that?"
"I'm tellin' ya, I feel fine."
"If you feel so fine, prove it."
"Whoa. Okay, so maybe standing up isn't such a good idea."
"See, now lay back down."
"But . . ."
"GAGE!"
"I think you just like torturing me."
"Gage, if you'd just quit being a stubborn mule and admit when you're injured,
you'd be much better off."
"Stubborn mule? Who's . . . Mule? Wait, isn't that a jackass? Did you just call
me a . . ."
"I did not call you a . . ."
"Did you hear that, Roy? Doc Morton just called me a jackass! Roy? Roy!
Hey, where're ya goin'? Sure, desert your partner when he's injured!"
"Gage, if you don't settle down and lay back on that table, I'm going to call
Dixie in here. And if I do that you are not going to be very happy."
"No! No, nevermind. Fine. I'm stayin. Man, I can't believe this."
* * * * * *
The End
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A Kiss or Two Over Fondue
"Ah, man, Roy. You should see this girl. She's incredible."
"What girl? I thought you were seeing Francine."
"Francine? Nah, she dumped me about a week ago. No, this is Ginny. She's
fantastic. Pretty, too. And, she's got curves in all the right places."
"And where did you meet this paragon of femininity?"
Johnny's cheeks heated a bit in embarrassment. "Well, well . . . I met . . .
now don't laugh . . . I met her at a fondue party."
“A fondue party? What in the world is that?”
“It’s stuff that you dip . . . other stuff . . . into with these long forks.”
“I know what fondue is. But what the heck is a fondue party?”
“Well, it’s . . . a-a party . . . and single guys and chicks mingle over this .
. . stuff. And if your food drops in the pot, you have to kiss the guy or girl
who’s standing at the table with you at the time.”
“You’re kidding?”
“No. I was trying to dunk a piece of bread in this cheese, and it fell off.
So I had to kiss this Ginny who was standing next to me.”
“How in the world did you get invited to a party like that?”
“Well, there was this new nurse, Carole, in Pediatrics, and she kinda invited
me.”
“I don’t know how you do it, Partner. I just don’t know how you do it.”
“Do what? I didn’t do anything . . .”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dilemmas
"So, what should I
name them?"
"Name them? Well, how about Kel and Dixie?"
"But I don't know if one's a boy and one's a girl." The smile behind the words
was evident in her sultry voice.
"Well, how about Laurel and Hardy?"
"No."
"Abbott and Costello?"
"Oh, c'mon Kel, be serious."
"Dix, I am being serious. They're just goldfish."
"Oh, sure, I invite you over for dinner and to introduce you to my new pets and
you insult them."
"How about Early and Morton?"
"I think I made that martini too strong for you."
"Lucy and Ricky? Fred and Ginger?"
"Oh, stop already. If you're trying to make me laugh, you've succeeded."
"Well, we all deserve a laugh now and then."
"Yes, we do. Can I get you a refill on that drink?"
"Sure."
As Dixie finished filling his glass, she snapped her fingers.
"I've got it! I'm going to name them Johnny and Roy!"
"What! You wouldn't name them after us, but you can name them after those . .
. those hose jockeys! Now there's gratitude for you."
The End