Purry (page 2)
NEW!
(05/06/04)
Only You
"Johnny? What have you done?"
"Roy! I'm so glad to see you!"
"How long have you been here?"
"It seems like *forever*!"
"You really did a number on yourself."
"Please, Roy, don't start."
"Only you, Junior!"
"Roy, pleeease?!"
"How long ago did you finish?"
"I don't know. What time is it?"
"Just a little after noon."
"Man, I've been here over twelve hours."
"TWELVE HOURS! Johnny, are you OK?
"Well, I could use a bathroom break."
"I bet! Are you hungry or thirsty?"
"Yeah, both. Roy, could you help me?"
"Only you could paint yourself into a corner."
"Don't lecture me, help me."
"Let me read the paint can and see how long it's suppose to take to dry."
"Hurry! I really need to go."
"Uh, Johnny. Uh...."
"What?"
"Well...."
"Well what? Roy, come on, what's it say?"
"Please let paint set for at least one hour before walking on it."
"WHAT?!"
"Let paint set...."
"I heard ya, I heard ya. You mean I've stood and squatted in this corner for
over twelve hours and I could have stepped on it an hour after I finished? MAN,
I cornered myself. ARGH!"
"Like I said, only you."
The End
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Running Late
"ARGH! I'm late!"
"Cap's gonna kill me!"
"Why, oh why did I forget!"
"You'd think I'd remember, but nooooooooo."
"Who thought of this to begin with?!"
"Man!"
"Latrine duty for me for sure!"
"It's all the governments fault."
"Is all this really worth an extra hour of daylight?"
"Well, I have to say once I get use to it, YES!"
"But right now, NO!"
"Man, I can't believe I forget got to set my clock forward."
"I bet even my favorite Pigeon didn't forget."
"Man, I'm late."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
NEW!
(03/01/04)
Flower or Weed
"Whatcha doin', Daddy?"
"Hi, honey. Daddy's pulling weeds."
"Can I help?"
"Sure!"
"Goody!"
"I wish your brother was as enthusiastic as you are about yard work."
"Daddy!?"
"Yes, Jennifer."
"What's a weed?"
"Well the ones that are taking over our lawn are these little yellow ones. They
ruin the looks of our yard."
"The dandelions?!"
"Hey, how do you know about dandelions?"
"Mommy told me their name."
"Oh!"
"Yep! Daddy, those aren't weeds, those are beautiful flowers. I pick them all
the time for mommy and she puts them in a glass on the windowsill. They aren't
weeds!"
"Well now that you mention it Jenny, I use to pick them for my mom when I was
little."
"See!"
"I guess I forgot how special even a weed could be."
"Well, I heard Uncle Johnny say that weeds are in the eye of the beholder. I
wonder what that means?!"
"Johnny said that?"
"Yep, he was talking about a Daisy to Marco. I didn't know daisy's were weeds
too!"
"Daisy?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
"Daddy, what's so funny?"
"Nothing, Jenny, nothing!"
The End
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Patience
"AGRH! I'm so
frustrated!"
"Take your time."
"Take my time?!?"
"Just take it slow and easy."
"Slow and easy she says."
"Kel, if you keep trying to rush it...."
"Maybe if I hold it a little closer to the end."
"Listen, it's not your technique!"
"Dix!"
"Relax, you're trying to hard."
"I can't get it in!"
"Just be patient."
"I am, I am!"
"You're trying to force it!"
"It's hard to get it in the hole."
"Why are you even attempting this?"
"For one thing, I think I’m pretty good at."
"Oh you do, do you?!"
"Well sure, I've been doing it for quiet a few years now."
"Then why are you have such a difficult time? I mean since you're *so*
experienced."
"Uhhh…. It’s just that the hole is so small."
"Yeah, right!"
"Besides I can’t seem to keep it stiff. As soon as I push against
the opening it goes lax."
"Maybe if you wet it."
"I did. Now it’s just wet and limp. Man this just…."
"Maybe you should let me help you out."
"Yeah, I think that's a good idea."
"Well, at the rate you're going, Johnny's gonna bleed to death waiting for you
to get the needle threaded so you can sew him up."
"Bleed to death?! Nah, just leak a little more than necessary."
"Kel...."
"Thanks, Dix."
The End
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
False Sense of Security
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
“Yeah, but…”
“But what?”
“That’s Mike’s locker.”
“Yeah, so?”
“So?!”
“What’s your point?”
“My point is, that’s Mike’s locker.”
“Would you rather it be *your* locker? That can be arranged you know.”
“Uh…No, no…Mike‘s is fine.”
“Good, now stop buggin’ me.”
“Chet?”
“YES, Marco?”
“Are you gonna tell me why you’re messing with Mike’s locker instead of
Johnny’s?”
“Well, Marco, my man; for a change Gage isn’t the pigeon.”
“What did Mike do?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Nope, not a thing.”
“Then why are you rigging his locker with that water bomb?”
“Well the way I see it, Gage expects it to happen to him which takes all the fun
out of a prank; Stoker would *never* expect the Phantom to pull one over on him
so….”
“Chet, you’re…..”
“I know, I know. You have to admit this will make everyone a bit weary in the
future as to whom the next victim will be.”
“Yeah, that’s true. It’s just…poor Mike.”
“Hey, don’t worry about Stoker, it’s only this one time.”
“Oh? Who’s next?”
“Marco, Marco, Marco, Johnny of course.”
“I thought…”
“I just want my pigeon to have a false sense of security that he may be off the
hook with the Phantom. That way when I do strike again, he will be caught
totally off guard.”
“Amigo, I’m glad I’m your friend!”
“Yeah, sure, Marco.”
“Chet, I am your friend? The Phantom *wouldn’t* pull any pranks on his best
friend would he?”
“I can’t speak for the Phantom, Marco.”
“Chet? What are you smiling about? Hey, where are you going? Chet? Chet……..”
The End
(Or is it?)
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Someday
“You OK?”
“I don’t know!”
“It may not even happen. That magazine is just showing us what may come.”
“Yeah! But why do I have a feeling it will?”
“If it does, we’ll just have to accept it.”
“I know. It’s just…..”
“I feel the same way.”
“You do?”
“Of course!”
“You think if we were to circulate a petition it would help? You know, stop it
before it gets started.”
“I guess we could try.”
“Ohhhh!”
“What?”
“I just remembered, petitions didn’t help with the fire hydrants.”
“No, but I think it’s still worth a try.”
“I guess.”
“Come on, try to keep a stiff upper lip. Don’t give up just because the outcome
may be bleak.”
“It’s hard. Ever since I was a little boy, all I ever wanted to be was a
fireman. Now with all the changes, I feel like…..I don’t know. I can’t explain
it.”
“I think I understand how you feel.”
“I guess you do. I forgot you were once an engineer. But…..”
“Mike, we don’t know what the future will bring, but if it does happen, we will
make it through this.”
“But, Cap, what will the community think? How will we ever be able to hold our
heads up riding around in that?”
“Hey, right now it’s just an idea they’re toying with.”
“Like the idea they had for the hydrants. That still has me bugged.”
“Yeah….. I see what you mean.”
“I guess it’s inevitable that things change.”
“Pal, you’re right there. Time seems to bring about change.”
“Cap, if this were to ever become a reality, would you please do me a favor?”
“If I can. What?”
“Please… I’m begging you… Please, don’t ever make me drive a purple one. It’s
bad enough they are thinking about producing them in yellow, white, and green;
but purple, what kind of cruel and twisted person would do such a thing as to
paint a fire engine purple?”
“I don’t know. Maybe a station in the Osmond’s hometown.”
“Cap…”
“Mike, I promise you, if I have any say as to what color engine will be housed
here at Station 51, it will definitely be red.”
“Thanks! And Big Red thanks you.”
“You’re both welcome.”
The End
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Can I Ask You A Question?
by Purry & Heidi
"Uncle Johnny, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure you can, sweetheart."
"Oh goody! Everytime I *try* to ask Mommy or Daddy they take me for ice cream."
"Well, why don't you go ahead and ask. I'm not sure if I'll be able to give you
an answer or not, but let's give it a go."
"You gonna take me for ice cream?"
"That's your question?"
"Of course it's a question, silly!"
"*That's* your question?"
"Yep, I'm the one that asked it. I need to know before I can ask you my other
question."
"Okay..... Yes, Jenny, I'll take you for ice cream; any flavor you want. Now,
what's this other question you have?"
"Oh, I get ice cream and *still* get to ask my question?"
"Of course! Why *wouldn't* you get to ask me your question?"
"Whenever I'd start to ask mommy and daddy my question, they'd always seem to
take me to get ice cream and never answered my question."
"Well, kiddo, you can have ice cream *and* ask your question."
"Gee thanks! Can I have strawberry?"
"Sure!"
"Can I have a sugar cone?"
"Anything for my princess."
"Thanks, Uncle Johnny, you're the bestest."
"Now, how bout that question you wanted to ask me?"
"Maybe I could have chocolate instead of strawberry. What do you think, Uncle
Johnny?"
"Okay, chocolate it is."
"Nah, strawberry's my favorite."
"I tell ya what... Let's choose our ice cream when we get there."
"OK! What kind do you think you're gonna get? Chocolate, strawberry,
vanilla..... that's daddy's favorite. He says he can doctor it up and make it
better. He says it's like a blank canvas, whatever that's pose to mean."
"Well, I'm gonna get chocolate. Now, about that question....."
"Chocolate? But, Uncle Johnny, strawberry's your favorite, just like mine."
"Okay, I'll get strawberry then."
"I thought you wanted chocolate?!"
"Chocolate, strawberry, it doesn't matter to me. I'll get whatever you're
having."
"Ok, I'll get chocolate."
"Now that we have that all figured out, what was it that you wanted to ask me?"
"I really would like strawberry better, but I'm gonna get chocolate because you
want it."
"Well, like I said, we'll make our final decision when we get there. So, aren't
you gonna ask me that question now?"
"You know what, Uncle Johnny?"
"What?"
"I think we should get, strawberry."
"Strawberry? You're sure?"
"I'm sure!"
"Good deal! Two strawberry ice creams it is!"
"Oh, boy!"
"Before we go get our ice cream, wasn't there a question you wanted to ask me?"
"What question?"
The End
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
S.O.S.
"Help!"
"Johnny?"
"Roy? Help!"
"Johnny, where are you?"
"Here! I'm in here!"
"Where's 'here'?"
"The latrine!"
"Where?"
"I said, I'm in the latrine!"
"OK! I'm coming, just sit tight."
"Don't worry, I will!"
"Johnny......"
"Over here, Roy."
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"I need toilet paper."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Good Grief
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothin!”
“Nothin, huh?”
“That’s what I said!”
“Come on., I can tell something’s got you bugged.”
“I told you nothing, now drop it.”
“OK, OK… I’m only concerned about you.”
“Look, Roy, I’m sorry! It’s just….”
“Hey, partner, what’s going on?”
“Roy…….Roy, do you think I’m stupid?”
“WHAT?!? Why would you ask such a stup….”
“Sooooo, you do think I’m stupid!”
“NO I don’t think you’re stupid, the question just through me off a little.”
“You sure? I mean…. hell I don’t know what I mean.”
“Johnny, you are not stupid! Why are you even asking that question?”
“It’s nothing!”
“Nothing! Come on, spill it. What‘s got you so worked up?”
“It’s noth…”
“Johnny?”
“It was something Dr. Early said to me.”
“What’s that?”
“Well…. Do you know what an oxy is?”
“An oxy?”
“Yeah!”
“I don’t think an oxy is anything. What’s this got to do with Dr. Early and you
being stup…”
“ROY!”
“You know what I’m trying to say.”
“While I was waiting for you to come pick me up after our last run, me and Dr.
Early were talking.”
“About what?”
“Just this and that, nothing really.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Dr. Early said something about something and I responded, good grief.”
“Yeah, so?”
“He said that’s an oxy.”
“Ohhhhh, oxymoron!”
“You too?!? So you think I‘m a moron, also?!?”
“Johnny….”
“Hey, if that’s how you feel about me, you can just get yourself another
partner.”
“Johnn…”
“Now I know who my fair weathered friends are.”
“Would you calm down. I’m not calling you a moron and neither did Dr. Early. He
responded to your comment of good grief, by saying oxymoron, because it is.”
“HUH?”
“Good grief is an oxymoron.”
“What the hell is an oxymoron?”
“They are contradictory words.”
“Ohhh, I get it. Good grief or butt head.”
“Right! Where did you come up with butt head?”
“Chet!”
The End
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Never Assume
"Why the long face, Junior?"
"I was just thinking."
"Oh, that could be dangerous."
"Funny! Very funny!"
"What are you in such deep thought over?"
"I'm just tryin to figure something out."
"A new get rich quick scheme?"
"No! Not another get rich quick sche..,hey, what do you mean by that anyway?"
"Uhhhhh, nothing! Nothing! So, what's got you so preoccupied?"
"Well, I had a date last night with that new nurse, Summer."
"Really?! I thought, you said, she wasn't interested in you?"
"I was wrong! She asked me out."
"Wow! She must really like you!"
"Yeah, well...."
"OK! Now I know something's up. A beautiful woman asks *you* out and instead of
boasting about it, you're mopin' around. So spill it!"
"Roy, this is something that can really kill a man's ego."
"What happened?"
"Let me start at the beginning!"
"That's always a good place to start a story."
"Do you mind?!?
"Sorry!"
"That's OK! I didn't mean to snap, it's just this whole thing has got me a
little rattled. It all started when we were discussing what we were gonna do on
our date. I suggested dinner and a movie, but she had other ideas."
"So, what did she have in mind?"
"Dinner and dancing!"
"What's so bad about that? You like dancing."
"I know! I thought it was a great idea. That is until...."
"Until what?"
"Let me finish, then you can laugh at me."
"Laugh at ya?"
"Just wait!"
"Ok, but hurry it up. Cap's gonna be calling for us to line up for roll call in
a couple of minutes."
"It's just hard to talk about."
"I won't laugh, I promise. So...."
"After dinner I drove up to the Starlite Room. They have terrific music for
dancing, especially for the kind of dancing she wanted to do."
"So, what was the problem? You step on her toes?"
"NO, I didn't step on her toes!"
"Then what?"
"She said she wanted us to go shagging. So, I took her to the best shag dance
club around."
"Well, what happened?"
"I misunderstood her! Misunderstood isn't quite the right word. I was just plain
ignorant about the whole thing."
"About what?"
"She didn't want to go dancing at all. At least not the kind of dancing I
thought she wanted to do. Roy, man, I swear, my face must have turned blood red
when I found out what she had in mind."
"Johnny, I don't get it!"
"Neither did I. So, that means you've never heard of shagging being anything
other than dancing!?!"
"What else does it......Ohhhhh!"
"Yeah! Ohhhhh! I tell you, I never want to see that girl again. If word of this
gets out at Rampart, of how unenlightened I was, I'll never live it down. Women
can be merciless!"
"So, she only wanted to have sex with you?"
"Yeah! Can you believe that?!?
"You do have a reputation of being a ladies man."
"Just because I date a lot of different women, doesn't mean, I'm easy! I'm just
not that kinda guy!"
"Well..."
"I tell ya somethin, Roy! I'm sticking to dinner and a movie for first dates.
Hey, where are you going?"
"I'm gonna give Joanne a call."
"What for?"
"To see if she might be up for shagging tomorrow when I get home."
The End
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Banned
"Man!"
"What’s your problem, Johnny?"
"I think I’m in trouble."
"What kind of trouble?"
"I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong."
"What did you do?"
"I just wanted to see if what they said was true."
"What who said?"
"I don’t think it warrants me getting banned."
"Banned?!? Banned from what, Johnny? Are you going to tell me what you’re
talking about?"
"I just gave it a little squeeze."
"Squeeze?!? What….."
"That lady didn’t have to say anything. Ok, ok, I know after I did it once, I
should have stopped. I just couldn’t help myself."
"You didn’t….."
"They shouldn’t advertise if they don’t want anyone to go around squeezing
them."
"You should have known better."
"Roy, I couldn’t help myself."
"Are you kidding me? You actually….."
"No! I’m not kidding."
"What did she say?"
"Huh?"
"What did the woman you ‘squeezed’ say? Or did she slap your face?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You said…. Wait a minute, what are *you* talking about?"
"Roy, I just told you."
"Yeah, but what? What have you been telling me?"
"About me getting banned from the grocery store."
"Why were you banned?"
"Haven’t you been paying attention?"
"Well, I thought I was, but…"
"I was banned for squeezing all the Charmin."
"Toilet paper?!? You were banned for squeezing the toilet paper?"
"Yep, silly huh?"
"Not really."
"What do you mean, not really?"
"Well, Mr. Whipple always said, 'Please don't squeeze the Charmin.'"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Under Control
By Heidi B. & Purry
"Argh! I'm never going to be able to make this!"
"Calm down, Junior. Getting frustrated isn't going to help."
"Roy, look at me, I'm a mess! Not to mention the kitchen!"
"At least you're attempting to make something other than hamburgers or hot
dogs."
"How can you be so optimistic?!"
"I have faith in you."
"Well....!"
"What are you making?"
"My cousin, Skye, gave me the recipe. It's called, Tex Mex Ranch Casserole. It's
suppose to be a quick and easy meal."
"Quick and easy?"
"Yeah, but it isn't. At least not for me."
"Do you want some help?"
"That would be great! Could you hand me a mixing bowl?"
"Sure!"
"Thanks!"
"Johnny, what are you doing?!"
"I'm trying to get the stupid yolks out of the bowl!"
"Why?"
"The recipe only calls for egg whites."
"Don't use a fork!"
"Why not?!"
"You'll break the yolks."
"How else am I suppose to get them out?!"
"Try using a spoon."
"A spoon?!"
"It'll work, trust me."
"Wow! How did you know?"
"Let's just say, I know. So, what's next?"
"I need to add the cheeses and whisk them together with the egg whites; then
pour the mixture over the casserole."
"Uh, Johnny?"
"What?"
"When you whisk, tilt the bowl a little. That way you won't make a big mess."
"Oh, ok!"
"Are you almost finished?"
"I've just gotta pour this over the top of the casserole, and sprinkle some
bread crumbs on top. Then it'll be ready to pop into the oven."
"Is there anything else I can do to help?"
"Nope! I think I have it all under control."
24 hours later.....
"What was it you said? Oh, yeah, I've got it all under control. Well,
Johnny, I believe the guys think otherwise."
"Ohhhhh, Roy, don't remind me."
"We're all in the hospital because of that quick and easy meal you whipped up!"
"I said I was sorry. What else do you want from me? I'm sick too."
"I know, I know. Look, we know you didn't mean for this to happen."
"No, I didn't."
"Once they get over the fever, headache, diarrhea, stomach ache, nausea and
vomitting, I'm sure they will forgive you."
"What about you?"
"I'm not mad. I know how hard you worked on that meal."
"Really?"
"Really!"
"Thanks, Roy."
"Forget it! Let's try to get some rest."
"Salmonella food poisoning!"
"Johnny, it was a mistake. Stop beating yourself up over it."
"I know. I just hope the rest of the guys are as understanding!"
"I'm sure they will, once they feel better!"
"I swear, Roy, the recipe card didn't say anything about cooking the turkey."
"Well, it's over and done with now, so stop fretting over it."
"I'll be the laughing stock of the whole department."
"Well look on the bright side."
"Bright side? How could you possibly think there is a bright side?"
"The bright side being, Cap probably won't assign you to cook anytime soon."
"Oh! You have a point!"
"Do me a favor, Junior."
"Sure, anything."
"Next time you do cook..."
"Yeah?"
"Make hamburgers or hot dogs."
See the recipe on Heidi
B's page.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Good Explanation
by Purry and Heidi B.
"What's the matter, strike out again, Gage?"
"Shut up, Chet!"
"Hmmmm....that makes three....no wait, four!"
"You're counting?!"
"Of course!"
"I can't believe....."
"You know what your problem is?"
"Yeah, you!"
"No, I'm serious!"
"So am I!"
"Fine! If you don't want to know...."
"If it'll make you feel better, enlighten me."
"You have absolutely *no* charisma."
"What?! I think you've had too much to drink."
"It's true!"
"I'll have you know, my little black book is a lot thicker than your's!"
"That's because you can't get a girl to go out with you more than once."
"Kelly....."
"Even Roy has more personal magnetism than you."
"Roy?"
"Yeah, remember that chick that kept calling him at the station? To beat it all,
he's a married man."
"That wasn't...."
"Forget it, John. If you ever had charisma, you've lost it."
"So what are you saying, that women don't find me appealing?"
"Exactly!"
"Look, just because Roy got lucky with that chick, doesn't mean that I've lost
my touch. Are you forgetting about that tree-house fire rescue we had last week?
That little girl's mother practically threw herself at me. She even came to
visit me at the station, remember?"
"That's only because she was grateful you saved her daughter from that burning
tree. She also assumed you were the captain. Now that's a laugh!"
"And what's so funny about...."
"Oh, this is perfect!"
"What?"
"Look over there. See that really cute brunette that just walked in?"
"Yeah, so?"
"I've got an idea!"
"You've been thinking again. What have I told you about that?!"
"Ha, ha. Seriously, don't you want to get out of this rut you're having with the
opposite sex?"
"Rut, I'm not in a rut. Besides, you're not exactly making any headway tonight
yourself."
"Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, I only have your best interest at heart."
"Sure you do, Chet."
"Gage, I'm hurt. How can you think I have any ulterior motives? Man, offer to
help out a friend, and this is the thanks I get."
"Quit with the self pity and grumbling. I'm sorry I didn't trust your motives."
"Like I told you, I want to help. I know how this can wear a man down. Now, do
you want to hear my idea or not?"
"If I listen to you, will you shut up?"
"Sure!"
"What do you have in mind?"
"I have this sure fire pick up line that no woman can resist."
"Ok, lay it on me."
"Hold me, thrill me, kiss me and I can die a happy man."
"Chet, if I said that to a chick, she would definitely turn me down and probably
smack my face while doing so."
"Well it's not like you've never been slapped before."
"Now, you're pushing it."
"Oh, come on. You've never even tried that line before, what could it hurt?"
"No I haven't, but....."
"Precisely! Now go over there and try it out on that cute brunette. Look at her
sitting all by herself. I bet she's just waiting for someone to sweep her off
her feet. This is your chance."
"Chet, I'm telling you, it won't work."
"It will too! I think you're scared."
"Scared, no. Smart, yes."
"Go on, Johnny, what would it hurt? You've already been turned down four times
tonight, what's one more time? Besides, if you use my pick up line, there's no
way you can lose."
"To shut you up, I'm gonna do it."
"Great!"
"I'll be right back, I'm sure."
"Don't count yourself out yet, pal."
"We'll see."
A few minutes passed and Johnny returned
"How did it go?"
"Man, you're right. She's incredible, absolutely incredible."
"What!?"
"We're going out Tuesday night."
"What!?"
"I said....."
"I heard what you said, but how....."
"I owe it all to you, Chet. I wasn't even gonna try that stupid line, but I have
to tell ya, it worked. She started coming on to me as soon as the words were out
of my mouth."
"This wasn't suppose to be happen!"
"What's that?"
"You were suppose to strike out, again. I set you up."
"Well, Chester B., I had already figured you out. I knew when I kept getting
turned down, there had to be a good explanation."
"How?"
"The last girl I approached, well I just came out and asked her why she was
turning me down. She told me that a short, dark curly haired man with a mustache
wanted to play a trick on his buddy. He asked her and a few other girls to go
along with the scheme. Now I wonder who could have done a low down, underhanded
thing, such as that?"
"Now, Johnny, let's not get ....."
"Calm down, Chet. I want to thank you."
"Thank me?"
"Yeah, if it weren't for you, I would've probably struck out with all of those
women."
"What do you mean, probably?"
"Oh, didn't I tell you? I have a date with all five in the next few weeks. Seems
they are all interested in finding out what you're so jealous of."
"Jealous! Hell, I'm not jealous of you."
"They think you are."
"This didn't go the way I had planned."
"Guess not, but I sure am benefiting from the outcome."
"Did any of them say anything about me?"
"Yeah, yeah they did. They told me to tell you, you could learn a lot from me
since I have so much, what was the word they used, oh yeah, charisma."
"Ohhhhhhh, man!"
The End
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Opinions Matter
"Chet!"
"Yeah, Gage?"
"Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Play pranks on me!"
"I did no such thing."
"I know it was you!"
"Can't prove it."
"Prove it! Everyone knows it was you!"
"The Phantom is his own entity."
"Let me ask you, what brought the Phantom to life?"
"Why are you asking me? I have no control over what he does!"
"Well let me put it this way, why do you think the Phantom exists?"
"If I had to take a guess, I'd say it's because he was once a quiet and timid
sorta fellow. You know back in high school!"
"Oh! Like, not very popular?"
"Something like that. Anyway, I'm figuring he got attention once he began
pulling pranks and having quick comebacks for the jerks that were putting him
down all the time. Since it worked back then and people started noticing him, he
just continued with his antics to fit in and make friends."
"I can see why the Phantom evolved. Being accepted by your peers at any age is
important for ones self esteem. Especially when you want your existence to
matter to the ones you hold dear. But Chet, me and the rest of the guys like you
for Chet, not the Phantom."
"Well them's sweet words Gage, but do you really think I care one way or the
other how you feel about me?"
"I just wanted you to know, in case it did matter, that I consider you a friend.
Not to mention one hell of a firefighter."
"Well Johnny, if your opinion did matter to me, and I'm not saying it does,
thank you. It does mean a lot to me that you think so highly of me to consider
me as your friend. I feel the same way about you too. BUT, if you tell anyone I
said such things, the Phantom will never give you a day of rest."
"I promise! Do you think I want anyone to know I like you, much less respect
you? Hell no!"
"Then we're agreed?! Mum's the word."
"Agreed!"
Thanks to Heidi for the beta.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
All In the Stroke
“Are you ready?”
“Yes”
“Ok then, make sure you have a good grip on it.”
“Like this?”
“Not so tight.”
“How’s this?”
“Good, now wet it a little.”
“Ok”
“Begin at the bottom.”
“Right here?”
“Yeah, now you want to do smooth strokes.”
“How far up do I go?”
“I like long strokes, but stop mid-way up.”
“Oh, ok.”
“You’re doing good for this to be your first time.”
“Thanks”
“Don’t apply too much pressure, this calls for a light touch.”
“When I’m finished, what do I do about the white stuff that’s left?”
“Clean yourself off with a towel.”
“Next time I try this, I will know what to do. I can’t wait.”
“Don’t be in such a rush to start. Once you do, you’ll feel the need to have to
do it everyday. Sometimes more.”
“Just a few more years and I’ll have a razor blade in my razor and will get to
use aftershave.”
“Eight more years is more like it.”
“Thanks Daddy, for teaching me how to shave.”
“You’re welcome, Chris. Just remember, it’s all in the stroke.”
A Father, Son
moment.... Happy Father's Day
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Not Interested
"I can’t believe that guy asked me out on a date!"
"I…."
"I mean why would he hit on ME?"
"Maybe you.."
"It’s not like I was doing anything to make him think I swing that way."
"Well…"
"Do I send off some kind of vibe that I like men?"
"You…"
"I’m not prejudiced, I just ain’t that way, you know what I mean?"
"Let…"
"If I WERE interested in a man, he wouldn’t have been my type."
"What’s…"
"He would have to be someone I felt comfortable with right from the start. You
know the way I felt about you when we first meet."
"That was…"
"He’d have to be sincere, compassionate, caring, honest, kind, loving and
trusting, like you are."
"I’m.."
"Tell me something, if you were interested in men, would you ask me out?"
"I don’t think so!"
"WHAT! WHY? Am I not handsome enough for you?"
"Johnny…."
"You know that guy said I was handsome and sexy. Don’t you think I am?"
"It’s not something…"
"I don’t believe you, I’ve been your partner for over four years and now I find
out that if you had the chance to be with me…"
"Hold on one darn minute."
"WHAT?"
"This conversation is ridiculous."
"After all this time, I’m finding out you’re not the man I thought you were,
Roy."
"Not the man… Listen to yourself, Junior."
"How would you feel if I told you that, I didn’t think you were attracti…. Oh,
man!"
"Uh huh, I told you this conversation was ridiculous."
"How did we get on this topic to begin with?"
"It all start because you were upset that guy asked you out."
"Oh, yeah!"
"So, you’re ok now?"
"Yeah Roy, I'm ok. I was just thinking."
"About?"
"You have to admit, he did have excellent taste in men."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Something Special
"What should we get her this year?"
"I don't know."
"It's gotta be something really special."
"But what?"
"Hmmm, how about perfume."
"No Chris, we got her that last year and she still has over half a gallon left."
"Well what about a plant?"
"Nah, she's got all kinds of those."
"Maybe Uncle Johnny could help us come up with something."
"Yeah, I heard daddy say he was a real ladies man. That must mean he knows lots
about what a lady would want."
"I don't know, I heard mommy say that if he knew what a girl wanted maybe he
wouldn't have dated most of Rampart's nursing staff."
"Oh yeah, I remember her saying that. I wonder what all of that means?"
"I don't know, I'm only seven."
"I'm nine and I haven't gotta clue."
"I think we better ask Daddy what to get Mommy for Mother's Day."
"Yeah, he's been married to her a long time, so he must be doing
something right.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A Fairy Tale Interrupted
"Wake up Johnny."
"Man, that was some dream."
"What was it about?"
"I dreamed we were the Dwarfs."
"Dwarfs?"
"Yeah, you know the ones in that fairy-tale?"
"Snow White?"
"That’s it."
"Weren't we a little tall to be dwarfs."
"It was a dream, anything is possible in a dream. Besides we weren't
called dwarfs, we just had their names and characteristics."
"Oh, so who was which dwarf?"
"Let’s see, Cap was Grumpy, seems we got on his nerves a lot."
"Hmm"
"Mike was Bashful, that I think is self explanatory."
"I can see that."
"Chet was Sneezy, he went around blowing sneezing salts in everyone’s
face, mine mostly."
"Always the prankster."
"Marco was Sleepy, really no reason, I guess. He’s just there, you know
what I mean?"
"Yes and no."
"That was confusing to me also. Anyway you were Happy."
"Happy? I like that, but why?"
"You always try to have a positive outlook."
"Who were you, Johnny?"
"For some reason, Dopey. I can’t figure that one out."
"You can’t think of any reason why you thought you were Dopey."
"Nope, I’m nothing like that Dwarf at all. He’s always getting into
trouble, besides he’s a little clumsy."
"I can see how you’d be baffled by that realization. That’s only six
who was the seventh dwarf?"
"Man, that was the strange part, he was a few different people."
"Such as?"
"Brackett, Morton, and Early were all Doc."
"Really?"
"Yeah!"
"Interesting"
"I think it’s because we call all three of them Doc."
"You could be right. Who was Snow White?"
"I don’t know, I'm assuming it was Dixie but you woke me up before I
could find out."
"Soorrry. You were singing Whistle While You Work."
"Really? Sorry I woke you."
"Hey, no problem. Let’s try to get back to sleep before we get toned
out."
"I’m for that. Night Happy."
"Good night, Dopey."
"Oh, man."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
My Heart Belongs To Johnny
“You’re jealous.”
“Am not.”
“Are too”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“Am……”
“Hold it, can you look me in the eyes and honestly tell me you’re not jealous of
me?”
“Well…”
“I knew it, you are jealous.”
“I told you …..”
“Then tell me this, why do you care if I’m here if you’re not jealous?”
“I…”
“You don’t even like him. You snap at him all the time.”
“Not all the time.”
“Enough to let him know he’s not your favorite person.”
“I like him but I don’t want to get too attached to him.”
“Why not?”
“He’s always getting hurt. I don’t want to get involved with a man
that may end up getting himself killed someday.”
“You can’t live for tomorrow.”
“What do you mean?”
“None of us know what tomorrow may bring. You need to learn how to live for
today.”
“I don’t know how.”
“It’s easy, first start by acknowledging you are jealous of my relationship with
Johnny.”
“You don’t belong here. This is my station and these guys are my family, mine.”
“And Johnny?”
“I love Johnny.” “I knew it. No wonder you’ve been chasing me around the
station.
Do you hate all females or are you afraid that he will take a liking to
me and you’ll be left out in the cold?”
“Would you just layoff.”
“You’re nothing but a stray. What could he possibly see in you, when
he can have a pure breed like me. You know he and my mother were
involved once, we have a connection.”
“Samantha….”
“Yes, Boot.”
“I want you out of my station.”
“Mutt”
“Bitch”
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