NEW!
(04/28/03)
Misfits
“They said we need to lighten up.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
“Neither do I.”
“What do you suggest we do?”
“I’m not sure.”
“We’re professionals, how can they say we’re…..”
“Don’t say it.”
“Ok, but what do they expect of us?”
“I don’t know. Maybe….Nah, it wouldn’t work.”
“What?”
“Well maybe if we could learn to be a little more companionate and not so
untouchable, they would like us better.”
“Hey, maybe that would get us into a story every now and then.”
“Now that would be a dream come true. To have an actual supporting part in a
story, not just mentioned as an afterthought.”
“Those stories that have us speaking a few lines or worse no dialog at all, at
least keep us in the fan fiction writers minds.”
“Yeah, I hate to be totally ignored. Even that damn dog gets mention more than
us.”
“I counted his speaking lines and we, so far, have more lines in most stories.
His barks are limited.”
“Well that’s a relief.”
“A relief, it’s humiliating. It’s a dog, for crying out loud.”
“Oh”
“Well Brice, I think today we should start operation turn around. We are from
here on out going to be more compassionate and understanding to our fellow E
characters."
“Dr. Morton, it’s going to be tough but I’m willing to give it a try.”
“Maybe someone will do a dialog story for us. How hard could that be?”
“Yeah, starring you and I or is it you and me? Hmm, I’ll check the correct way
that should be said.”
“Don’t you dare.”
“Why?”
“We’re not trying to be perfect anymore, remember? Gage wouldn’t care if he
said, you and I or me and you, he’d just say it and go on with his life not
giving it another thought.
“You’re right, Gage could use some polish. Did you know the man talks with his
mouth full. You’d never catch either of our characters doing that.”
“Johnny Gage is the main character to most fan fiction writers, the man can do
no wrong. And heaven help our characters if we were to say or do anything
negative to that skinny paramedic or that partner of his, those writers would
eat us alive.”
“My butt has teeth marks from when I worked with DeSoto that time Gage got hit
by a car. My character was the one you love to hate.”
“I had a little play in that episode. I didn’t look like such a bad guy as long
as I was helping save Gage’s life. I did get some flaming fan mail that said I
was hitting his leg too hard with that hammer.”
“My mail told me to quit annoying DeSoto.”
“Let’s give it a try, change our images and see what happens.”
“That writer Purry might take pity on us and do a dialog entry.”
“Yeah, she’ll write about anyone."
"And has.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
NEW!
(04/25/03)
Green Eyed Monster
"Can you believe Chet."
"What?"
"He’s a back stabber."
"What are you talking about?"
"Chet"
"I got that part, what’s this about him being a back stabber."
"Soon as I turned my back…."
"What?"
"I got stabbed by my so called friend."
"Johnny, you’re making less sense than usual."
"Haven’t you been paying attention?"
"You lost me back with "Can you believe Chet."
"Mike’s no better."
"What did Mike do?"
"He sided with the back stabber."
"Chet?"
"Yes, Chet. Man Roy, I’ve been talking for ten minutes and you haven’t got
anything I said."
"That’s not unusual."
"Roy…."
"Don’t pout."
"I don't pout."
"If you say so."
"I do. Now what should I do about Chet?"
"I still haven't figured out why you're so upset with him and Mike."
"Cindy"
"Cindy! Who's Cindy?"
"Who's Cindy? Someday she could've been Mrs. John Roderick Gage."
"WHAT!"
"You heard me. Now all hope is lost."
"Please explain what you are talking about."
"Chet took her out and Mike lent him his dune buggy for the outing."
"OH, the girl you tried so hard to avoid? I thought you were relieved to have
someone take her off your hands."
"I was, I was, but that was until I saw her, I mean really saw her. She was a
knock-out."
"What does how she looked matter? You said there must be something wrong with
her if she had to chase after a man. You were worried that she just liked you
because she was a firemen groupie."
"I know, I know, you don't have to throw my words back in my face."
"So as I see it, Chet nor Mike did anything that you should be upset over."
"You just don't understand."
"I guess not, and probably never will."
"That beautiful woman wanted me and had to settle for Chet."
"Johnny, that sounds like jealousy talking."
"Will you keep your voice down. I'm not jealous, especially of Chet Kelly."
"Do I hear the sound of the Green Eyed Monster rearing its ugly little head?"
"Roy...."
"Yep, I'd say you're jealous."
"Me, jealous of Chet, now that will happen when hell freezes over."
"Who are you trying to convince? Me or you."
"Me.. I mean you.. I mean, oh let's just drop it."
"Good idea."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Too Tight..
by Purry &
LittleWolf
"Hold still Johnny or you may get hurt."
"I'm already hurting Mike, so go a little easier."
"You were the one that wanted to do this."
"I know!"
"Just relax, take a deep breath and hold on to the head board!"
"Like this?"
"No a little lower, Ok, I'm going to push it in."
"Ouch! Mike stop you're hurting me."
"Sorry, how about we switch places, maybe you can push it though?"
"Works for me."
"Wipe that smile off your face. Ok, I'm ready."
"Here goes."
"Ouch! Stop!"
"I told you it hurt. Maybe if we try another angle."
"I still think it will be too tight."
"Now what?"
"We're going to need at least a couple of more guys to help us."
"I thought the two of us would be able to handle it."
"Get real Johnny, this is a solid oak king size bed, we are going to
need help."
"I guess you're right. The next time I buy a new bed, I'm going
to
measure the doorway to make sure I can get into the bedroom."
"Good idea."
The End
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Not One Peep . . .
“Oh man,
I’m gonna be sick, again.”
“I’m sorry, Johnny.”
“Not your fault.”
“You ok?”
“Will be. How’s Chet?”
“He seems fine.”
“How come he’s not sick?”
“Beats me, I know I wouldn’t be feeling too good right now.”
“I can’t believe I let him bait me into that stupid contest.”
“Thought you could beat him?”
“Yeah, but after 75, I started to feel nauseous.”
“You should have stopped.”
“I know, but I just couldn’t let him win.”
“You’re the one in here paying homage to the porcelain throne.”
“Roy please don’t lecture me. I know how stupid I was.”
“Was getting out of washing dishes worth this?”
“It would have been if I had won.”
“And now?”
“No!”
“Guess you won’t be wanting any of those little yellow ducks any time soon.”
“Argh!!! Don’t mention Peep’s.”
“Guess there won’t be a second annual Peep Off at Station 51 next Easter.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Viva Emergency
“Roy, are you ever going to speak to me again?”
“I don’t know.”
“Come on Roy, I said I was sorry, what more do you want?”
“Johnny, argh…..”
“What? It was a mistake, it‘s not like I planned it.”
“If you had stuck with the agenda we made, nothing would have happened. But no, you had to, argh…..”
“Will you quit grunting?”
“I’m mad and I don’t know when or if I will ever get over this.”
“You would end our friendship over what happened?”
“Well….”
“Man, you really are mad at me. I never, I mean never, thought that something could end our friendship. I thought it was stronger than that.”
“Johnny, I don’t want our friendship to end, I’m mad right now and probably will be for a while, but that doesn’t mean I want us to quit being friends, best friends.”
“You mean that?”
“Yeah”
“That’s a relief.”
“How are we going to explain this.”
“If we didn’t have to call Cap, no one would’ve ever had to know.”
“I would’ve told Joanne.”
“I know, but telling her isn’t like telling the guy’s. Man they will never let us live this down.”
“Probably not. I’ll be glad to get home, I haven’t slept in two days.”
“Me neither, I wasn’t going to close my eyes.”
“Yeah, Butch was looking at you a little too fondly.”
“Don’t remind me, I still get a cold chill when I hear him say “pretty boy.”
“Jail, is not a place that I ever want to be again.”
“Me neither.”
“We should have known better.”
“When that man came up to us and asked if we wanted to purchase two tickets for that sold out show, I got so excited.”
“You sure did.”
“I didn’t think anything about purchasing those ticket from him, his story about not being able to attend because of a family emergency sounded genuine to me. When he asked for more than face value so that he could fly back home instead of taking the bus…… I didn’t know it was scalping.”
“We know it now and I’m sure everyone we know does too.”
“It was really nice of Cap to wire the money for our bail.”
“I’m just glad the charges were dropped and we are free to go home.”
“When I won this trip and invited you to come along, this is not how I wanted our week in Sin City to play out. Pardon the pun.”
“I wish you came in second and got that waterbed you so desperately wanted instead of this vacation from hell to Las Vegas.”
“Me too. I blame this whole experience on two men.”
“Who, you and me?”
“No, Dr. Brackett for buying the ticket that put me at fifty-one tickets and in first place.”
“Who’s the other?”
“The King”
“Elvis?”
“Yes, Elvis Presley himself. If his show hadn’t been sold out, we wouldn’t have gotten arrested for buying tickets from a scalper.”
“If you say so.”
“I do.”
“Let’s get going, I want to get home to my family and my own bed. I need the next few days to rest up before we go back to work.”
“Oh man, Chet.”
“We’ll both get teased.”
“But I’m half Indian and we were arrested for scalping. ARGH……"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
In the Kitchen
By LittleWolf & Purry
(Click here to Send Feedback to LittleWolf)
“Mike, we shouldn’t be doing this in here!”
“Why not Johnny?”
“Oh not so much, slow down!”
“I know what I'm doing, relax!”
“Maybe we should go to the dorm or the locker room?”
“Don’t be so paranoid!”
“Not so much, slow down!”
“Keep it up and we wont do this at all!”
“What if someone walks in on us?”
“They are out back shooting hoops, we’ll be done before they are!”
“Oh wow! That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen Mike!”
“Yah pretty impressive, if I do say so myself!”
“Can I help now?”
“Ok. Now hold it here!
“Like this?”
“Yes! Ouch! Not so hard Johnny!”
“Sorry!”
“Ok, I'll wrap this around the base and it will stay firm!”
“Now what do I do?”
“I'll let you finish it off for me!”
“Ok!”
“Hold on, you have to slow down Johnny or it will explode!”
“Like this? “
“No! Wait! It’s going to explode! (POP!)
“Mike, you were right I put to much air in the balloon!”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Slip
"I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't heard it with my own two ears."
"Me neither."
"It was so sudden."
"Yeah"
"I didn't think he had it in him!"
"Neither did I."
"Do you think it will ever happen again?"
"I don't know."
"Yeah, it was probably just a fluke."
"He seemed almost I don't know, friendly."
"I wouldn't go that far."
"Well maybe friendly was too strong of an adjective."
"Roy, I didn't even think he knew our first names."
"I believe he spoke without thinking, hence the slip."
"He would be more tolerable if he slipped more often."
"I don't think that’s going to happen partner."
"Well one could hope."
"I wouldn’t waste my time."
"I guess you’re right, he didn’t get the nickname Pain In the Ass for nothing."
"Johnny, that’s not his nickname."
"It’s my nickname for Brice."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Happy Anniversary
"Oh, Roy."
"You liked it?"
"Oh, yes!"
"Enough to want to try it again?"
"Do you even have to ask?"
"I guess not."
"It was fantastic."
"I told you it would be."
"The head was pulsating, yet steady."
"It can be powerful, even soothing."
"Not to mention the flexibility."
"That’s because it’s so sturdy."
"I was amazed at how long it was."
"It allows freedom so we can move around."
"I’m so relaxed, it’s like my own personalized comforter."
"That good?"
"That good!"
"I’m glad you like your present."
"At first I was a little upset getting a massager for an anniversary gift."
"And now?"
"I love my present, all those water jets giving me full body coverage, soothing
my aching muscles."
"Don’t love it too much, that's what I'm here for."
"Roy!"
"I love you Jo, happy anniversary. What do you say we try out your present
together?"
"Now that's a gift I can't refuse, Happy Anniversary Roy."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Too Dangerous
"I can't believe you."
"What?"
"I can't believe you bought that for Chris."
"Why not?"
"Why not!"
"I believe I asked that first."
"Roy, man it's too dangerous."
"I don't think so."
"How can you say that?"
"Easy"
"Believe me, it is."
"Don't be silly."
"I don't want to see him get hurt."
"Johnny, kids are always getting scuffed up it's there nature."
"I know that, it's just I have such bad memories from my accident."
"That was something."
"Laugh all you want but I've been traumatized for life by that
incident."
"You wouldn't listen to me."
"If I knew it was going to turn out the way it did, I never would
have tried it."
"Yes you would have."
"Yeah you're right, I would've."
"Just because it was a bad experience for you, doesn't mean Chris
will have the same fate."
"I'm sorry, you're his father it's not my place to say anything. I
was just thinking of my trip to Rampart, that was so embarrassing
having to bare my butt to have those cactus needles pulled out, not
to mention the tetanus shot hurt like hell. "
"Johnny I know you care about Chris, but trust me he will be ok."
"Just do me one favor."
"What's that?""
"Don't let him skateboard near any cactus plants."
"If you want, you could teach him how not to ride a skateboard."
"You're a laugh a minute, Roy."
"With you as a partner...."
"Don't even finish that statement."
"What? What did I say?"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Questions
and Answers
"I know you will give me a straight answer, so here goes. Do you think I'm a
good Captain?"
"Without a doubt."
"Thanks, I'm always doubting myself, ok this really isn't a tuffy but "Should I
give Chet latrine duty for that water bomb that he hit Gage with?"
"Yes, definitely."
"That's what I was thinking. I love these no nonsense answers I get from you.
short and to the point. Ok, this has been bothering me since it happened, "Gage
was bit by a rattlesnake, do you think I handled the situation ok?"
"As I see it, yes"
"I tell you I wasn't too so sure about that, here we were out in the middle of
nowhere, one of my men needed medical assistance and it's 30 minutes away, the
outcome could have been totally different. I know I'm throwing a lot at you, but
I just need reassurance that I'm doing right by my men, Do you understand.
"Yes"
"Well just one more if you don't mind. Do you think Johnny and Chet will ever
grow up."
"Don't count on it."
"That's what I thought. When McConnikee gave you to me when I was promoted I
thought it was a joke, it probably was meant to be, but you have guided and help
me with so many decisions over the years.. I just don't think I could've made it
without you."
"My sources say no."
"You truly are magic."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Johnny's Dilemma
"Man, I can't believe this!"
"What's that?"
"Nothing."
"Johnny? What's going on?"
"Nothing!"
"I know something is bothering you, so why don't you save us both a lot of
aggravation and tell me."
"You wouldn't understand."
"Try me."
"He said it had to be done."
"Who said what?"
"Cap"
"What did he say?"
"I have until next shift"
"To do what?"
"Get it taken care of ."
"What?"
"I could be suspended."
"Johnny...?"
"Even insubordination."
"WHAT! What did you do?"
"It's not what I've done, but what I haven't."
"Would you tell me what's going on?"
"I have to get my hair cut tomorrow, or I could be suspended for not obeying a
direct order."
"Is that all!"
"Is that all, Roy I like my hair the way that it is."
"It is longer than regulation."
"I know."
"So, you are going to get it cut?"
"Yeah, tomorrow"
"I guess that's the long and the short of it."
"Funny, Roy!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
You've Got the Touch
"Ok, Johnny let's see what you can do."
"I'm a little nervous."
"Don't be"
"This is my first time"
"I know, you'll do fine"
"I don't want to hurt you."
"It will hurt but only a little. I'll be ok. It's not like I haven't done this
before."
"You keep telling me that, but it doesn't make what I'm about to do, any
easier."
"Trust me, I'll be fine, you won't hurt me much, if you're gentle."
"Ok Doc, I've got you prepared."
"Now Johnny, to minimize the discomfort, jab it in me. If you go too slow it
will definitely hurt."
"Here goes"
"Aah"
"Are you ok Dr Brackett?"
"I'll be fine, push it in. That's it. You're doing fine. Almost finished. Good."
"How did I do?"
"Don't tell Roy, but you're better then he was his first time."
"Really?"
"Really. He's good, but you have a talent."
"Gee, thanks"
"IV's aren't that hard to do, its finding a vein that's hard."
"Well Doc I don't like needles, and I don't see how you can stand to be a pin
cushion, but as long as I don't have to do one on myself, I'll be ok."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Inner Struggle
"Sure I can."
"Yes I can."
"I do it all the time."
"Why should I?"
"It's expected of me, besides I want to"
"You're not going to talk me out of it."
"I'm not going to feel bad"
"No, I won't."
"Would you quit being such a goody, goody."
"You're not going to win, you never do."
"I'm not going to change my mind."
"That was a low blow."
"I do to like him."
"Because he's my favorite pigeon."
"I won't pinch him too hard."
"He should have worn green today, then I wouldn't need to do this"
"I'm not going to feel guilty."
"My mind is made up so just quit badgering me about it."
"You should know by now that conscience or no conscience, the
Phantom will always win."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Always Next Year
"I'm ok, you're the one laying there with his mouth wired shut."
"Johnny, it's not your fault."
"No, it isn't."
"Come on."
"You couldn't help getting hurt."
"No you didn't let us down."
"No you didn't."
"I'm not going to let you beat yourself up over this."
"No buts about it. The guys are upset that you got hurt, not that you can't run in the race."
"I'm sure, besides there's always next year for the Galloping Greyhound to make his debut."
"Quit being a pessimist."
"I know it seems that way."
"Ok, ok, but there's no use in worrying about something you have no control over."
"Why don't you try and get some rest, I'll be back after shift to check on you."
"Sure I'll bring you a milkshake. Strawberry?"
"Ok, now you get some rest and be good for the nurses."
"Use that look on them and they will be puddy in your hands. Heaven help them."
"Goodnight, Junior"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Ultimate Satisfaction
"Dixie you're doing it wrong."
"What do you mean i'm doing it wrong? You're the first to ever say
that to me."
"I'm sorry, but to get ultimate pleasure, it's better to do it my
way."
"And that way would be?"
"Ok, i'll talk you through it, trust me you will see the difference."
"Well ok, but I don't want to get sticky and have it all over me."
"My way there is no mess, and it will last longer."
"I'm ready when you are."
"First, you lick it all the way around."
"Like this?"
"Yeeaah, next you lick it from the bottom up."
"Am I doing ok?"
"Yeeeees, then you put your mouth over the top and suck in a little
bit."
"I see what you mean, this is sinful."
"Oh yes, your doing wonderfully, but the last thing you want to do it
bite down. That will hurt. Just repeat, these steps until there is
nothing left the for utmost satisfaction."
"Kel, you were right, my way I wouldn't have enjoyed it nearly as
much."
"Eating ice cream should be pleasing, a treat for the tastebuds."
"Thanks for the lesson, I enjoyed it."
"So did I"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Be Gentle
"Oh man Roy, you're killing me."
"Johnny, I'm being as gentle as I can."
"If this is gentle, I don't want to find out what rough is."
"Hold still"
"Roy, you've got to pull it out."
"Let me try a different angle."
"Roy, I said pull it out, not keep pushing it back in."
"Just a little more, maybe if you squeeze it, I can hurry up and
finish. Oh yes that's helping, almost, almost, ahhh done."
"I didn't realize how big it was."
"Yeah it's long and thick."
"I'm going to be sore. You've made the hole bigger."
"I'll put some medicine on it, to help sooth the ache."
"Who would have thought a splinter could hurt so bad."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Rub It In
"Dab a little oil on it. Chet"
"Like this?"
"Yeah, make sure to rub it in real good."
"I will"
"Cover the whole thing."
"I am"
"You're leaking, let me wipe off the excessive moisture. That's better."
"What now, Johnny?"
"Play with it a little bit."
"How long?"
"Until you feel it conforming with you fingers and hand."
"Ok"
"When you get done, grab one of the balls and hold on to it."
"What next?"
"Normally I would use a string or rubber band, but we don't have one."
"Are we almost finished?"
"Yeah, you can tell your done when it starts softening up."
"I guess i'm finished, it's not as stiff as it was we I started."
"Chet, you did fine."
"Thanks Johnny, I've never owned a baseball glove before."
"Now you know how to take care of it."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Johnny Found Out (Big Red Continues)
"Now I know how Johnny feels when the Phantom strikes."
" I told you all those pranks you played on him would comeback and bite you in the butt someday."
"I never thought he had it in him, he's been merciless."
"I was a little suprised Johnny could be so, what's the word i'm looking for?"
"Mean"
"No not mean, besides you've done worse to him over the years, and he hasn't killed you yet."
"Hurtful"
"Chet, you know he would never be so unfeeling."
"I know, it's just that I gave him the ammunition to get me with."
"That you did."
"Would you wipe that smirk off your face. The least you could do is to try and run interference for me, your best friend."
"If I remember correctly, you were giving me hard time about not being the object of Big Red's affection."
"Yeah, and I said I was sorry. Believe me I wish she/he had been after you and not me."
"So let me get this straight, you would want me, your best friend to suffer through what you experienced and are now experiencing. Some friend you are."
"Marco, it's just that he's wearing me down, it's been a week now and there is no sign of him letting up. I can't let him see my weakness, or the Phantom will never be able to strike again without the worry of what he may do in retaliation."
"He has come up with alot of ways to get you."
"If this was happening to some else, I would be sitting back enjoying the show."
"Like I am."
"I said to wipe the grin off your face. Geesh"
"You know, now that I think about it, maybe it's not Johnny."
"It's Johnny, and he's good."
"He has been really creative with his ideas."
"You could say that, so far, i've found womens clothing in my locker, red high heel shoes where my boots should be, I wake up the last shift with red fingernails and a long red wig on, how he did that and not wake me, I'd love to find out. What if we'd had a run that night, I would have never, I mean never lived that down. I said quit smiling."
"Can't help it."
"Humh, but the worse was him giving me those tickets. I thought he was being sincere, trying to make up for all that he'd done to me, but little did I know."
"You should have, you are the Phantom."
"When you turned me down, I asked another friend to go with me. He loves scary movies, also. Johnny knew exactly what he was doing giving me those tickets. And I fell for it. Marco, I swear my temperature had to have been at the boiling point, my face got so red. Embarrassment at the max."
"I'd love to have been there. I guess the movie title was a little deceiving."
"Just a little. I had a whole different idea what this movie was going to be about. With a title like
The Rocky Horror Picture Show, what would you think?""He got you good."
"I said wipe that smile off your face."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Big
Red
"Well Chet, how was your date with Big Red?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"You struck out."
"Marco, I did not strike out."
"How could you strike out, she clearly was interested in you."
"Yeah she was interested."
"Then what happened?"
"Lets just say, I was the one that wasn't interested."
"Ok who are you, and what have you done with Chet Kelly."
"WIll you keep your voice down, all I need is for the rest of the
guys to find out."
"Find out what, are you even going to tell me?"
"I'll tell ya, I'll tell ya, I wasn't going to mention it to anyone
but you had to bring it up."
"You know Johnny isn't going to let you off that easy, he knows you
went out last night."
"Gage, argh.."
"Chet, my curiosity is killing me, now spill it."
"Marco, she was beautiful right, you were even jealous she picked me
over you."
"I wasn't jealous."
"You were to."
"Just get on with the story."
"Well, I picked her up at the club and we went out to dinner and a
movie."
"Which movie?"
"Saturday Night Fever."
"I heard that was a pretty good movie."
"It was. It also got Red in the mood to do a little dance for me
when I took her back to her apartment."
"You lucky dog."
"No, not so lucky. As she did her little striptease for me, I
realized there was one little thing, well not so little, that she
forgot to mention."
"What's that?"
"That she was a he. Man Marco, I went out on a date with a man."
"I'm glad she/he went for you and not me."
"You thought she was a beautiful woman, to. If it had been you she
was interested in you would have taken her out."
"I guess it's over, you and Red." HeHe
"I'm glad you find this so funny, do you know what my life will be
like around here once Gage and the rest of the guys find out.. Me
and my big mouth, I had to go bragging that I was going out with
this hot chick, that wasn't a chick at all but a roaster."
"Look on the bright side."
"Marco, there is no bright side."
"Sure there is."
"Tell me what it could possibly be."
"At least you didn't get dumped."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dream or Nightmare?
"You can't get away"
"Johnny"
"Don't move"
"Johnny, wake up."
"I said, wha.. what, Flash?" "Oh, it's you Roy."
"Yes, it's me. You were having a nightmare"
"I don't know if I would call it a nightmare."
"Johnny, you were thrashing around, and shouting, sounded like a
nightmare to me."
"Man, it seemed so real."
"Want to talk about it?"
"Might as well, since you woke me up."
"Woke you, up."
"If you recall, I was asleep, you were the one shaking me."
"You were.... never mind." "Who's Flash?"
"Flash, oh, that was part of my dream/nightmare."
"Well..."
"Let's go into the kitchen and have some milk while we talk and you
are"
"I am, what?"
"Flash"
"Ok, I think you better start over."
"We, meaning you, me, Cap, Marco, Mike, and Chet were Superheroes."
"This should be good."
"I know you think, I can't hear you when you make comments under
your breath, but I can. I just choose to ignore you most of the
time. So if you don't want to hear about my dream/nightmare, then
lets go back to bed."
"No, no, I'm sorry, go ahead, I'll be quiet."
"Ok, but one more comment and I'm going back to bed."
"Promise"
"Ok, then, where was I, oh yeah, we were superheroes, you were
Flash, Cap was Superman, Marco was Cyborg, Mike was Aquaman, Chet
was the Green Lantern and I was Apache Chief. I must of watched too
much Super Friends cartoons yesterday when we were off. I dreamed
that a raging fire, turned into a super villian, and it was up to us
to save the world. It was a pretty good dream/nightmare up until
you woke me up."
"I'm sorry, I thought you were having a nightmare, geesh"
"All I know is that, we didn't get the job done. Maybe if I go back
to bed, I can pick my dream/nightmare up where I left off and finish
it."
"I hope so, that's all I need is for you to have another hang-up."
"I heard that."
"Goodnight, Junior"
"Goodnight, Flash"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
What a Sight
"Johnny, I don't know how you and Roy do it."
"Do what, Mike?"
"The runs you get called out on. Like this one you just got back from. When you guys told us what happened, I couldn't keep from laughing."
"You should have been there, both me and Roy had a hard time not laughing. It was a sight...."
"Embarrassed, is what I would have been if it had happen to me."
"Mike, I don't need to get that picture in my head. And speaking of embarrassed, how do you think I felt, I'm the one that ended up treating him."
"Roy beat you to the bio-phone huh?"
"Yeah, man I can't believe he'd do that to me."
"You would have done that to him."
"You got that right."
"Is the patient going to be ok?"
"Yeah, Dixie just called to let us know they got it off, without doing any damage."
"Why didn't his wife just take him to the hospital?"
"The poor guy couldn't walk so transporting in an ambulance was his only option, and speaking of the wife, she was furious."
"I bet."
"She kept yelling at him that if he hadn't been enjoying himself without her, that this would have never happened."
"Oh man."
"Exactly" "I tell you Mike, I don't think I will ever look at a glass milk bottle again, and not think OUCH.."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Flowers and Fairies
"Hey munchkin, what are you doing?"
"Hi Uncle Johnny, I'm learning the alphabet, one flower fairy at a time."
"Huh?"
"Our teacher said we're gonna learn a poem or song for each letter of the alphabet."
"She did?"
"Yeah, they're about flowers and fairies."
"I see. What letter did you start with?"
"You're silly, Uncle Johnny. A of course."
"Ok, which flower is your poem about."
"It's not a poem, it's a song."
"Then which flower is your song about."
"The Apple Blossom, it's called "The Song of the Apple Blossom Fairies"
"Have you got it memorized yet?"
"What's memorized?"
"It means, to remember."
"Oh yeah I do, ya wanna hear it?"
"Sure."
"Ok, here goes."
"UP IN THE TREE WE SEE YOU, BLOSSOM-BABIES, ALL PINK AND WHITE; WE THINK THERE MUST BE FAIRIES TO PROTECT YOU FROM FROST AND BLIGHT, UNTIL, SOME WINDY DAY, IN DRIFTS OF PETALS, YOU TAKE YOUR FLIGHT.
YOU'LL FLY AWAY! BUT IF WE WAIT WITH PATIENCE, SOME DAY WE'LL FIND. HERE, IN YOUR PLACE, FULL-GROWN AND RIPE, THE APPLES YOU LEFT BEHIND-- A GOODLY GIFT INDEED, FROM BLOSSOM-BABIES TO HUMAN-KIND!"
"Oh Jennifer, that was wonderful."
"You liked it?"
"Yes, I did."
" I love you, Uncle Johnny and thanks for listening to my remembered song."
" I love you to sweetheart, and you're very welcome."
*The Song of The Apple Blossom Fairies, was originally published in the 1920's, by Cicely Mary Barker
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Slowing Down
"
What's the matter?""Just thinking."
"Must be important, by the look on your face."
"I guess"
"Maybe I can help."
"It's not a problem, it's just that I was running late for work this morning, and driving a little over the speed limit."
"So you got a ticket"
"No, I didn't get a ticket"
"Then what has you so bummed?"
"If you would quit jumping to conclusions and let me finish, you might find out."
"Fine, continue"
"Like I was saying, I was speeding probably going 10 mph over the limit. When all of a sudden I look in my rear view mirror and there is a truck on my bumper tailgating me. Tailgating me like I was creeping along. So I just took my foot off the gas to let the car pass, can you believe he gave me the finger as he went by, that guy was crazy."
"The speed limit is posted for safety"
"Roy, I know that and I know I was wrong"
"You've seen the tragedy of car accidents"
"Yes I have, this morning I made it to work on time, but what if I had gotten into an accident because of my speeding. I could have killed myself or worse killed someone else. And that guy was more reckless than me, needing to go faster. If I had to name his actions, I would call it road rage."
You're here and safe nothing happened.
"This time" "I am going to make a conscientious effort to slow down, I don't want to be responsible for injuring or maybe killing someone. "The next time I'm running late, Cap can chew me out, it's better than the alternative."
"Yeah, me having Brice as a permanent partner"
"You know Roy, you're all heart"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
IOW ( In Other Words)
"Roy?"
"Yeah!"
"Why do we even bother?"
"What do you mean?"
"It seems like everyone has become lazy."
"Come again"
"Last night Joanne was helping Jennifer study for a spelling test."
"So, what does that have to do with people becoming lazy?"
"Well, why even bother teaching kids these days how to spell."
"I know I'm going to regret this, but what are you talking about?"
"It's just that, these days we don't use words that much."
"Don't use words! Johnny you alone..."
"Roy, I know what you are going to say, and don't. I like to talk, ok?"
"Ok, I sorry."
"What I was trying to get at, people, and we are guilty of doing it also, use abbreviations more often, then speaking the whole word."
"Like?"
"Like, we say BP instead of blood pressure. IV instead of intravenous, are you getting my meaning?"
"Yeah, I get it, but Johnny those shortened responses save time, and in our line of work time is essential."
"I know that, that was just an example of what I was trying to get at."
"What started all this?"
"I received a package yesterday delivered by UPS, the delivery guy said he got it to me ASAP and that it was C.O.D."
"What kind of package?"
"It doesn't matter about the package, what matters is we are using abbreviations instead of words. Are we in that much of a rush, that we can't talk to each other anymore. I think it's become habit, you know second nature to us. I thought about how much I use them, and I realized that I am just as lazy as everyone else."
"Johnny you're not lazy, our time is valuable, so we take a few short cuts. It's not like it use to be, our lives are really hectic."
"I guess"
"Don't worry about it"
"I know one thing."
"What's that?"
"English teachers are going to become an endangered species."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Willpower
"I can't"
"Yes,you can"
"No,I can't"
"Trust me you can"
"How?"
"Just walk away"
"Roy, you don't know what you are asking of me"
"It's called willpower"
"I don't.."
"Please Chet"
"But..."
"Just this once, please"
"Ok, but the Phantom has a reputation you know"
"I know"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Does It?
"Roy, I know she said it didn't matter."
"But you don't believe her."
"Well, it's just that I caught her staring."
"Oh!"
"Is that all you can say?"
"Well what do you want me to say?"
"That size doesn't matter."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because to alot of people it does."
"Oh man, then she probably thinks it matters."
"I don't think she would lie to you."
"Maybe you're right."
"I know I'm right."
"But how can you be so sure?"
"Because I raised my daughter to tell the truth."
"You're right."
"To be on the safe side, the next time you share a candy bar, make
sure both pieces are the same size."
"Good idea"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Help
"I can handle it"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
"If you need any help"
"I won't"
"I'm just saying, if you do, just ask."
"I will"
"You sure you don't want help?"
"I believe I've got it under control."
"If your sure"
"Johnny..."
"Ok, ok"
"Don't look at me that way."
"What way?"
"Like you're looking."
"I'm not looking any way."
"Yes, you are"
"Am not"
"Fine"
"Fine what"
"Help me"
"You said you didn't need any help"
"Well I do "
"You said you had it under control."
"I..."
"Now you want help. I can't believe you Roy, you turn down my offer and now you are practically begging for my help."
"I was just..."
"You know what I think?"
"I have no idea."
"I think you can handle it."
ARGH....
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Problem
"Johnny, calm down."
"Calm down? Calm down?"
"Yes, calm down."
"Roy, you don't understand."
"Then explain it to me."
"Man, this is embaressing."
"It can't be that bad."
"How would you know."
"I won't until you tell me."
"I don't know if I can."
"You know you can tell me anything."
"I don't know."
"Don't you trust me?"
"Of course I trust you."
"Then tell me."
"It's just that.."
"What are you afraid of?"
"You'll laugh"
"No I won't"
"Promise"
"Promise"
"Ok"
"Well"
"Don't rush me."
"Johnny we have been standing here for..."
"Roy do you want me to tell you or are you going to keep yacking?"
"Tell"
"Ok, I think.."
"Go on."
"I think you should let me drive the squad."
"You're kidding?"
"Not I'm not."
"Johnny, I would love to let you drive the squad but it's just not possible."
"But why?"
"Don't whine."
"I'm not whining."
"If you say so."
"Why can't I drive."
"Because all the stock footage shows me driving, that's why."
"Oh."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
You Can't Be Serious
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
What Do You Think?
"It's so big!"
"Bigger than I would have ever imagined."
"Joanne, do you think it's real?"
"It's hard to say, Dixie."
"I've seen a few, but not that big."
"Neither have I."
"It's kinda scary."
"Yeah"
"
I sure wouldn't want it coming at me."
"Me neither."
"There would be no protection against something that big."
"After seeing this movie, I don't think I'm going into the ocean anytime soon."
"We'll have to ask if sharks get that big."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Kinda
"Sometimes"
"Everything is changing."
"It always has."
"I know, but somethings should remain the same."
"They call it progress"
"I know"
"Johnny, what are we talking about?"
"Our bones"
"Our bones?"
"Yes, our bones."
"Ok, I'm totally lost."
"Haven't you been paying attention?"
"I thought I was."
"Apparently you haven't"
"Well, explain it to me."
"Like I was saying, our bones are in jeopardy, and mine really can't take the
loss, if you know what I mean."
"Again, I'm lost."
"Roy, I have so many breaks as it is."
"What is your point."
"My point is, milk."
"Milk"
"Yes, milk."
"I think I'm getting a headache."
"Roy.."
"Ok, Ok, go on."
"Milk makes our bones strong, right?"
"Right"
"Well, what is the deal with 2% milk and skim milk? I mean 2% still taste like
milk, but I'm not getting what my bones need, and skim is just colored water and
we both know that won't help my bones at all. My bones are at stake."
"Johnny, just buy whole milk and don't worry about the rest."
"I have to worry"
"It's not your problem."
"I think I'm going to write a letter to the FDA expressing my concerns "
"That's a good Idea"
"You think so?"
"Sure. That way I don't have to here you rant about it."
"What did you say Roy, you were mumbling?"
"I said sure, go for it."
"Good deal. I think I will start my letter off with GOT MILK, kinda catchy,
huh?"
"Kinda"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Fireflies and Moonlight
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Something Special
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
My Lips Are Sealed